lately, i find that words… they don’t fail me, but… i’m just not interested anymore. experiencing life is beautiful, and it is enough
while reflecting on 2025, i read a blog i wrote in april. i expressed my appreciation for men/dance leads. at the time, it was genuinely how i felt. now, i perceive it as earnest, youthful, and even a tad drunk/intoxicated on excitement about life
to be clear – there is nothing wrong with those things. for who i was at the time, it was perfectly natural to write it. i couldn’t have written anything OTHER than that
what surprises me now is – i don’t feel a pull to write an update. to show how i have matured. to document for my future-self how i appreciate men today. it’s wild to not feel compelled to do what i would have in the past. it’s enough to just feel and experience this
as the year draws to a close, i could talk about the journey i went on with imagination, awareness, meditation, and God… but i won’t. it was beautiful, and – i find words to be unnecessary. distracting, even
because through all of it – life has me. this year, i learned – life loves me, more than i can ever understand. the river has been carrying me all along. i don’t have to imagine, or observe myself, or meditate, or even talk to God. when i work to paddle efficiently, when i attempt to float/relax/sink “in my feminine” (😂 what a state!), when i think that i am the one actively making choices – life has me
even when i feel frustrated that i seem to be blocking the flow of life, yet again… i’m not! i literally CAN’T. life factored in my stubbornness, my stupidity, my hesitation, and even my eagerness. life cannot be stopped. i don’t need to think i am the one in charge anymore. life has me 🫂
… and there isn’t even a “me” to be “had” 😏
thank you, 2025, for unraveling so much. it’s nice to just exist as I Am. well, i always have… so it’s nice to… stop busying myself with silly things. thank you for bringing “me” here. it feels really, really friggin’ good 🖤
nikiunleashed 