(8/28/25 – I’m tidying my electronic/online household and deleting the original videos from this blog. You can find snippets from this Team Match at this Instagram post.)
Did my second team match! Of course I wanted to reflect.
I had to pause and ask for whom I am writing. Family and friends who don’t necessarily know dance and therefore dance terms are irrelevant? Future social media followers who may or may not know dancing? A journal to my future self? It’s honestly a bit of all of the above. Will try to make it not too long.
I think this is how all dance and life events will generally go, and this is certainly how this one went – it was way better than last time, and, there’s plenty of room to still grow. I could stop here. Okay, bye!
Just kidding.
I got my heat list. Laughed that they couldn’t squeeze one more line on the first page. But hey, I’ve graduated to dancing 2 pages’ worth of heats!
Here’s another lil amuse buche before the full course ahead (click here). Clips of about three 8-counts’ worth of each of the 15 heats I did.
Let’s talk about each heat, and then I’ll do a deep dive summary/reflection afterwards. And let’s get this out of the way right off the bat – I know my arm styling is sorely lacking. Drives me nuts. Working on it. Onward.
(deleted video 1)
Heat 1 = bachata. Thankful I got to warm up with my favorite home base dance, and to my favorite bachata song! That silly assisted shimmy was I think a joke during lessons LOL but it has become a thing and will always make me laugh.
(deleted video 2)
Heat 2 = American cha cha. I rocked my hips way more during that front chasse (those 3 steps forward/backward). But I fucked up on the chase (when my instuctor turned around). I was supposed to turn around right after him, and then he’d go again, and then I’d go again. I could not figure out why I messed this up but it hit me just now as I’m writing this – the mistake I made here is how I dance at Filipino parties. Didn’t even realize how deeply engrained that cultural timing is! Okay, something to work on for next time.
(deleted video 3)
Heat 3 = American rumba. Wooo, look at that opening Cuban motion compared to last time! This is arguably the most simple style I do. But it’s also the hardest one. I don’t know how in the hell I messed up the timing, but I did!
Quick note because I’ve been corrected on this – all of these different styles are actually different DANCES. They’re all their own dance. To the lay person (which I kind of still am), I think of these as different “styles,” and I’m using that terminology here because I think that’s how most of my audience will understand me. But I’ve been frustrated when people make up their own terms, and then I’m not able to learn and communicate clearly with other dancers. So I want to make you aware of this just so you know about it – each dance is a dance. Meaning, cha cha is a dance. Bachata is a dance. Argentine tango is a dance. Dancers get a little picky and frankly defensive LOL about their dance. They say that WITHIN each dance there are different styles. You can tell where someone was trained based on their style. For example, different neighborhoods in Argentina all have their own style. So everyone is doing the same dance (Argentine tango), but people are doing different styles. THIS IS WHY I GET MAD THAT SENSUAL BACHATA USES THE SAME NAME AS BACHATA. It is a completely different DANCE in my honest (and correct lol) opinion. So it should have its own name. ANYWAY…
(deleted video 4)
Heat 4 = (on 1) salsa. (Everything that day was on 1, thank GOD hahaha.) It dawned on me that I should try the same dances with my different instructors! Glad I did. Every lead is different and I learn something different from each of them. Yes, my outfit changed. Will explain more in the summary below. I like that he does chasses in salsa, never occurred to me that was possible. And he gave me a timing tip that made titanics/flashpoints easier.
(deleted video 5)
Heat 5 = bachata. Easy peezie lemon squeezie. Adding a lil flick (kick) was fun.
(deleted video 6)
Heat 6 = American cha cha. Another outfit change. Fucked up the chase again. I like that I can laugh at my mistakes. Was really touched when someone said I’m compelling to watch because I look like I’m enjoying myself out there. I 100% am! I even enjoy the frustration at how quickly/SLOWLY I’m growing, and the insatiable hunger to improve. And overall I just love music, moving my body, and connecting with myself/the floor/my lead/the pulse of life at large.
(deleted video 7)
Heat 7 = American rumba. It’s interesting to observe where my eyes go when I watch my own videos. I remember when I was into olympic weightlifting, a coach said to delete videos of bad reps. Why keep that memory, why engrain it any further in my brain? I can see the validity of that. And. I keep videos because I go back to watch not myself, but my instructors. As the journey continues, my awareness of certain things grows, and I go back and see – ooooh, THAT’S what they’re doing with their feet! Oh wow, that’s where their weight is. Oh gosh, that’s how they can LOOK like they’re leaning forward but they’re really not! How in the hell are these white boys STILL moving their hips more than me, I am anatomically supposed to be able to do this better than I currently am!!! In reviewing the tape for this post game analysis haha, I had to keep reminding myself of what to pay attention to. Because I automatically just hone in on what I need to FIX. If I look at my feet, I cringe that I moved them too soon. If I look at my hips, I’m proud that I’m moving them more than first team match, but also thinking I can move them waaay more. If I look at my face and zoom out on this journey, I exhale and remind myself – this is just for FUN. The smile and laughs have always been there and will always be there no matter where the skills/technique/mechanics are at. The goal of all these lessons was to learn how to be a better follow for socials. Mission already accomplished long ago. So mellow out and enjoy the ride, Niki!
(deleted video 8)
Heat 8 = salsa. Ugh, missed that first turn, c’mon Nik’, you know this! Shook it off and continued, yay. Whew, did the titanics/flashpoints successfully. Could work on committing to what direction I’m facing.
(deleted video 9)
Heat 9 = bachata. Remembered to do the front kick scoop thing that I didn’t do the first round with this instructor. Turns are tightening up a bit, yay.
(deleted video 10)
Heat 10 = American rumba. Good clean fun. Wild to me what is possible with this dance, the sheer movement pros can do. Check out this gorgeous woman, I utterly love that she’s marrying her partner, they have SUCH chemistry! When I first heard that most pro couples AREN’T romantic partners, I didn’t believe it because their acting was so convincing. But I feel like I’m becoming more sensitive/discerning (?). I can feeeeeel how connected she is with her man. #goals.
Here’s one of her rumbas (click link). Isn’t that insane, the range that each dance can have?! 😳
And here’s the first samba I ever saw (click link). THAT is what I want to do. It would be hella work and I don’t even know if I am capable of moving like T.H.A.T. But I shall enjoy the super long journey to trying!
(deleted video 11)
Heat 11 = salsa. Variety is the spice o’ life. Love dancing with both of these gentlemen!
(deleted video 12)
Heat 12 = bachata. That hilarious move again. Body roll needs work. Could’ve handled my weight better when umm I went under his hand. Otherwise always plain ol’ fun!
(deleted video 13)
Heat 13 = Argentine tango. Aaaaaah I love this dance SO MUCH!!! I don’t remember this so I’m glad I wrote it down for myself – evidently my favorite dance at the time of first team match was rumba. Where I’m at now? You can take this as a time stamp Niki, even with all the weird secretive etiquette in some communities – Argentine tango is my favorite dance. I’m looking at getting custom heels made, who even am I. Lil baby is currently wondering what the difference is between leather versus suede soles. I think this was my best molinette (that umm square step) ever! And the barridas (foot slidey thing) are way better now that I’m slowly becoming conscious of weight. Will talk about these more in the reflection below.
(deleted video 14)
Heat 14 = salsa. The emcee said this heat was mostly salsa. Didn’t know what that meant. Evidently some people were doing mambo to the same song. I asked why lol, I don’t like mambo. Funny lil joke with my instructor. There was a time when I preferred on 2 salsa. Thank god the utter tomfoolery and stupidity of my youth is over hahaha. I now prefer on 1! Very proud that my hips were moving WAY MORE during that hair comb portion (hands over my head and kind of down my hair).
(deleted video 15)
Heat 15 = last one! Argentine tango. I don’t think I was overthinking, but clearly I didn’t follow his lead in this or heat 13. I didn’t lose my balance right before those stationary turns (when he turned me while I was standing still), I thought or overthought we were going to do a different move. Good reminder to waaaaaaait for his signal. Literally anything can happen! Be ready and W.A.I.T.
Aaaand that’s a wrap! Thanks for hangin’ in with me this long. Okay, now my favorite part – gleaning the juice from everything.
First versus second team match
- Proud that I was a cooler cucumber! And was even able to give a little bit of support to some newer peeps. I was a little bit nervous before heat 1, but I was more calm throughout the entire event.
- Grateful I did 15 heats and not just 10. Was surprised I was tired after! I mean, it was only 15 minutes of dancing. But it takes energy! Mad respect to my instructors for doing I don’t even know how many pages’ worth of heats.
- I remember being disappointed that I didn’t get to dance a full song at my first team match. Lil gurl, this ain’t a social! This time around, the songs felt too LONG. I was tired! Was also a long work week. See professionalism/stamina bullet below.
- I liked that my instructor gave me 1-2 things for each dance to focus on. I don’t know how good a job I did at actually implementing them 😅 But I like that idea and I’d like to carry that forward. (Future Niki, these were your cues at this level in time… salsa = slow down, right hip fully back. Bachata = wait, I don’t remember. Rumba = sticky feet, ribs. Argentine tango = maintain right arm frame, reach from waist/hip not leg.)
Thought to add my Oura ring stats. I’ll add it to first team match blog too!
Things I learned about myself
- I like putting myself in slightly uncomfortable situations. I like reflecting. I like connecting dots.
Things I learned about life
- Everyone is just doing their best. That’s all we can ever do. And we’re more similar than different. I overheard damn near everyone being critical of themselves, even though everyone looked amazing! I’m guilty of the exact same thing. I can see the value of being non-judgemental and lending kind words whenever possible.
- This bullet could fit under multiple categories but I want to put it here because it’s a big one. My podcast is called “Already Unleashed” because, on one level, I do believe we are already unleashed. There actually was NEVER a leash, we just think/thought there was. And then we remember. And then we forget. On and on it goes. I bring this up because with dance (and maybe in life, too?!), the answer has always been there. But I had to learn what I did not know, to learn what I needed to learn, to remember that they told me that ON DAY ONE. I just didn’t know what it MEANT or how much work would go into implementing those ideas.
- Weight and timing. Whenever I tell a teacher here or abroad that I want to be a better follow, they tell me all I have to do is know which foot I’m on, and be on time. Sounds simple enough. I usually shrug my shoulders, smile, say okay, and then listen for whatever they want to teach me. I mean, on one level, I thought I was ALREADY doing that stuff. The more you learn something, the more you realize you have ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE what the hell you’re doing. There is SO MUCH that goes into these two commands! Knowing which foot you’re on isn’t just about feet. You’ll see in all the body parts I talk about below. Putting your weight FULLY on that foot has so many ramifications… and NOT doing this causes so many problems. I would say that all of my problems in dance are linked to this. Well, not my ridiculous arms lol. But even that is probably connected, because proper weight is connected to ribs is connected to arms! Gaaah, this never ending cycle. The Argentine tango barrida was possible because I learned to put my weight on my BACK foot to let my front foot be available for him to slide. My fumble with rumba timing was a weight thing… And NOW I see why they all tell me to know which foot I’m on + be on time. I’m sure as time goes on, I will appreciate this advice on deeper and deeper levels, and the more critical it will be for my weight to be properly placed and shifted.
- Molinettes. I distinctly remember my first lesson at home after traveling for 5 weeks. My instructor gave me some homework and showed me how to walk around a recycling bin haha. It sounded so simple. I mean, I trust him. But like above when I shrug my shoulders and think I’m already doing that… with recycling bin square walk, I remember internally laughing and thinking, “I can walk in a square. What’s the big deal.” Needless to say, I did not do my homework. Until I started going to practicas/milongas and seeing that I, in fact, canNOT walk in a simple square. I didn’t know how much technique went into this damn square. Having clear direction, going straight and not diagonal/sideways, collecting my feet, not rushing, keeping my balance (which is actually a plank issue, not a balance issue!!! Below.) This is why I said I was proud of my molinette. Because there is a lot that goes into those few steps… And NOW I see why he told me to walk. Around. A. Recycing. Bin.
- Walk forward. Again, simple enough. I think you know where I’m going with this. Niki, just shut your mind up, and do what they tell you to do! But I don’t KNOW what they’re telling me, until I fumble, and then realize the value of that instruction. Literally walk forward. Not sideways. Let my hip and leg completely go through for that step.
- One plank. I don’t have trouble with my balance. I have trouble with keeping things in the same line. When I have 2 planks I’m walking on, my body doesn’t know where the hell to put the weight, so I fumble. But if I honor the one line, then things flow smoothly on that ONE line! So simple. So hard. So logical. JUST DO IT geezlaweez!
- They tell you things. Because you’re not doing these things. And because it will make your life way easier if you do them. Isn’t this how life in general goes. Just me? Okay haha. I wonder if they get frustrated by these lil white belts hahaha. Sometimes I get frustrated with pharmacy students, but then I look at how I was/wasn’t teaching/explaining well/clearly enough for that specific person to understand me.
Things I learned about dance
- Pros are on suuuuuch a different level. I mean, that sounds obvious. But watching Liza do that samba was utterly mind blowing. Watching other team match students do samba was still so inspiring. I know there is a TON of work that went into reaching the level they worked so hard for. And. Makes my jaw drop to think about what the pros had to do to reach the level they are at.
Things I would do differently next time
- Slow down. Yes, more. I felt less nervous this time and didn’t really have any adrenaline spikes other than when someone scared me haha, but I can still slow waaaay down. Factor in that there will be more distractions at a team match environment. Practice more slowly? So I give myself more wiggle room and can perform slowly on the right timing.
- I laughed driving home bumpin’ to a good song and looked down at my spedometer. Let’s just say I was going something above 65 and below 90 MPH. I thought, man, I need a spedometer for dancing! And then I thought, no, what I need is self-awareness. Really funny and I LOVE little tickles/winks from the Universe. Later that night at a milonga, a gentleman said that speeding is illegal in tango. I’d argue that it’s true of all dances. He joked that the speed limit was 10. We danced a bit more. Then he told me I went faster than 10, but it’s okay, because he raised the limit for that section. I really appreciated the visual because I now have that visceral cue. There were times he stopped moving and made me JUST STAND THERE! The signal he gave me was to WAIT! For what felt like a long as hell time! But I did! And then I could FEEL when he signaled for me to move. Very cool experience. And laughing that I got it the same day as I was speeding driving home. A little harder to do to distracting salsa music. But music is just 8 counts. Don’t need to be distracted by all the instruments. It’s just notes and just 8 beats.
- Count in my head. I don’t habitually do this because lessons and socials are pretty informal. But I want to start instilling this habit so it’s available for me to lean back on when I need it. I think if I was counting the rumba and cha cha, I wouldn’t have messed up the timing or the chase.
- Learn different hair styles? I liked that I kept my hair out of my face this time.
Things I want to explore moving forward
- I can’t do team matches that often, because there’s only so much progress you can make in a certain amount of time. I still don’t care to do an official competition. Maybe I should attend one in person so I can see if that’s an environment I’d want to try. Watching YouTubes is I’m sure different from being there live. I want MORE… but more WHAT, I don’t know yet.
- Clothes. Was super sweet that a lady from my studio handed me a skirt to put on. I was going to refuse but I let myself just be held and supported, I relaxed and RECEIVED. So grateful she offered, and proud of myself for saying yes. What the heck, skirts feel SO GOOD! I guess there is a purpose for all that extra material like ruffles and fringe. The flowy swishy fabric added some illusion and made me look better, sure. But I really liked it as a… feedback mechanism? It helped me tell how much I was/wasn’t moving my hips. I want to buy more skirts! I should practice in them. Ooh, or practice in those beaded things that bellydancers wear around their hips! More sound, include more of the senses, more feedback, more improvement? Kind of like training with ankle weights or a weighted vest. So when you need to perform, you’re stronger and everything feels lighter/easier in comparison to how you practiced.
- Nutrition/lifting. I don’t want to go full on back to Crossfit, but I do miss my lean physique. And I certainly miss my tan from when I was swimming a mile every day after work the summer before pharmacy school. It isn’t a vanity thing, it’s a… I just feel good and ALIVE when I am “jacked and tan” lol. Summer is coming! My new weightlifting shoes came in. Grateful TYR now makes a shape that honors our natural foot shape. I was just working out at home, but I think it’s time I go back to the gym sometimes. No clue how I’m going to fit this all in. I don’t have time for a full time job, there’s too much life to live!!! Nothin’ like the sound of weights clanking and feeling their thud when I drop them. I’m super excited to play with all the facets of my personality. It dawned on me that weightlifting shoes have a slight heel… and weightlifting platforms are smooth hard wood… I mean… that’s basically a dance floor… but these shoes have a sticky rubber bottom to keep the athlete stable. Still, I now get to goof off and dance in between sets!
- Maybe paso doble? The music is intense. And I laugh every time they STOMP, I love stomping my feet! I don’t know if the woman gets to stomp too, though. If not, I won’t learn this one.
- I don’t know how to say this but it’s still what I initially came here for – I want to be a better follow. I don’t know the terminology for this. More responsive? Relaxed? Sensitive? Moreso than I currently am. I was thinking that I want to know more moves. Not that I want a choreographed routine, but I want to know more things that could possibly be thrown at me. But I realized, if I am a PATIENT follow, if I DO NOT predict what they’re trying to do, if I know what FOOT/WEIGHT I am on, and if I am ON TIME… I will be absolutely fine. All the things they have been telling me this entire time. I don’t have to know all the dances. Sure, knowing the basic would help, and would give more playing room to spar/wrestle with more skilled leads… but I don’t have to learn more stuff. I just have to take care of my side of the street. JUST. FOLLOW.
- I never believe people when they tell me I’m a good follow. A gentleman later that night said I’m am relaxed follow. My jaw hit the ground. He meant that I’m on time, and I don’t guess. Maybe I was just relaxed because I was already warmed up. He meant that for beginner leaders, sometimes the follow DOES need to guess, because the lead doesn’t really know how to lead it. (Though I would argue, don’t guess. You’re not helping the lead become a better leader if you “help” him.) He said for him as an intermediate lead, he knows how to lead me to where he wants me to be. Which was true! He led me through moves I’ve never done before. Man, that might’ve been my best milonga yet! I usually go closer to the beginning and dip out in the middle. This time I had a friend’s event late into the evening and couldn’t go dance until into the last hour of the social, I wasn’t even going to attend. Glad I did, now I know that’s a prime time to enjoy a bunch of tandas!
- So in some ways, I guess I am a decent follow. But I just have so much respect for all the things that leads DO. All the things on their shoulders. I don’t want to “help” them, I want to be an enjoyable dance partner. I don’t want them to have to keep time for me, or support my weight, or tell me when to go where. I want it to be a light and connected dance, not a battle or wrestling match. I really respect and appreciate the role of a lead. It makes me want to be that much better of a follow, for them.
Things I respect even more now
- Athleticism, professionalism, and SHEER STAMINA of professionals/instructors. I only did so many heats and I was tired! They did way more. I mean, they’ve also been doing it for many years. We’re white belts compared to them. I love watching masters at their craft and often wonder what it must feel like to be at that level. Are they tired? Is it easy? There are some things at work that are mindless and automatic to me, I don’t even remember doing them because I’ve been at it for so many years. Interacting with students and interns/residents is adorable to me, seeing their eagerness and enthusiasm. They make me question why we do things certain ways and they help me see things from a fresh perspective. They remind me of how passionate I used to be about this profession. Is dance like that? And they’re always doing their own training, travel, competitions. How do they fit it all in, and rest? Dance can legit be an all consuming thing. Mad respect for their dedication to their craft and making time for us lil peons haha.
Nerdy questions I have
- What in the world is that music machine with all the buttons! Was interesting to hear different songs remade in different genres.
Nerdy dance things, you can skip this if you want
- I don’t know why I was sliding around on this floor. My shoes aren’t that old. At work we joke that it’s “user error,” not a system error. I’m sure it’s something that III am doing/not doing. Will ask.
- Writing this down mostly for my future self. But if you’re interested in dance, maybe you’ll enjoy reading how a civilian level student thinks. There are so many things to remember, I have to keep this kind of organized in my head. Let’s go bottom up.
- Feet. No sloppy/lazy/inactive/wobbly feet. Need to turn out my toes all the time. Point them in the direction I want to go. That would probably clean up my turns. Move them ONLY WHEN I HAVE TO. And leave them on the floor. Like. NIKI LITERALLY DO NOT MOVE THEM. The back foot for rumba umm the 90 degree turn thing. And salsa STOP sliding that damn foot back! Leave it! Let yourself have an anchor!!!
- Knees. Be a lady, keep ’em together for tango. Maybe I need to channel all the European teachers. I hear “European” and automatically I somehow delay my knees. Cultivate that more somehow?
- Legs. I want them to look straighter? There are probably a gazillion things that will go into this. Oi vey. Why did I sign up for this sport lol. I have this same thought every time I’m lugging my backpack out in the backcountry. How and why did I end up out here AGAIN. Because I, God knows why, love this activity.
- Hips. Keep coming home to that home base!!! EVERY SINGLE TIME. It literally makes everything else SO EASY because you’re in the right position to go do everything else! This seems like the foundational thing. Which is connected to proper weight. Do not rush this. Keep sitting back fully into that position! And more, more, more! My Cuban motion was better than first team match. And. Still not the level I want. I think I will start practicing at home and over emphasizing my hips to the point that I think I look utterly ridiculous. But that should help the pendulum swing and move my baseline to where I want it to be.
- Core. In tango they say to breathe both up and down. As in, breathe up to move and breathe down to step. Stretch myself in both directions. I don’t know how to do this yet, but I want to somehow use my core and back “well,” whatever that will come to mean.
- Ribs. Maaaan it looks so good when my instructors are so positive. They aren’t leaning forward, Niki. They’re being positive and putting their weight where it’s SUPPOSED to be. I know you have a lot to do haha. But this one will make ya look better. I need to come up with a game plan for prioritizing/implementing an appropriate order for all this stuff. Or maybe it’s more integrated/connected than I think it is.
- Arms. Goodness gracious. I don’t know lol. Good luck gurl. Ribs initiate?
- Frame. Stop that Crossfit/oly crap! Maintain. Don’t let him pull/push me, but also let myself be moved. There’s a life lesson in there somewhere. Feeeeel that he is wanting me to go/stop/move, but don’t let him change my own frame.
- Back. I don’t know. I’m sure there’s stuff that I’m not doing.
- Neck/head. I could be taller. Lift my head. Don’t do the Crossfit/oly posture.
- Slot. Stop drifting. Maintain the line of dance.
- Generally just sharpen things up somehow. Tighter, more finely tuned, finesse, elegant, grown, mature. No clue how to achieve this. But that’s how I want it to feel and what I want it to look like/convey/inspire in others.
- Spotting. Better than first team match. You can see that it elevates everything! So do it more, especially that first half oi vey. I do like the feedback of the second half, feeling my hair whip. I was going to say, I wish I had a feedback thing to confirm that I did the first half correctly. But I guess this is where you mature as a self-aware, accountable, disciplined athlete/dancer/human. Can’t always rely on feedback, and I suppose at a certain level, you don’t even want or need it. Ya just do what you need to do. Put your intention/effort where you want.
- Eyes. Years ago I wrote a poem and I have no idea where this line came from deep within me, but to this day it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever created. “Where I choose to look is where I get to see.” In general, ask myself – what am I looking at? How am I seeing it? Why? Do I want to continue to have this view, or do I want to change my perspective?
Thank you
- To everyone who filmed for me.
- To the lady who gifted me the sensation of dancing in a SKIRT! Life changing.
- To my fellow dancers. It was so fun cheering each other on!
- To my instructors. You gentlemen are fun, skilled, encouraging, and just solid men. Glad I stumbled on this place as my first studio! I know I won’t be here forever, so I’m savoring whatever time I do get.
Overall, incredible experience. Really proud and glad I did this. Dance is such an interesting paradox. You’re proud of what you did, and then by virtue of having watched your performance videos, you’re now more aware and better than you were during said videos. Almost makes me not want to post anything ever, because I will always be better than what I just did. But that’s who I was and how I danced at that point in time. No shame in the game. And the whole point is to continue improving!
These pictures make me laugh. I always say that they’re so tall! So they jokingly stood in a split stance and they were STILL way taller than me!
—
Coooool, didn’t know the judge was writing stuff down! Love tangible things to sink my teeth into. Got this during the debriefs with my instructors, how fun! And holy crap I want to delete all of this already. MY FEET WERE SO SLIDEY AND INACTIVE!!! 😫
—
Other dance blogs. Starting to become a nice lil collection!
nikiunleashed 