nikiunleashed

It’s been a couple months since I last wrote about dancing.  Wanted to capture this before my second team match tomorrow!  Night before the big game.  Quick and dirty overall thoughts/feelings.

I reread my blog from the first team match (here).  Oh, what an adorable wittle dance baby I was.  I mean, I’m now maybe a white belt with a quarter of a yellow stripe LOL, but I’m growin’!

Progress since first team match

• I voluntarily wear heels now!  Hell hath indeed frozen over.
• When I thought I was “moving my hips,” I wasn’t.  And my knowledge and skill set at the time frankly weren’t even there to achieve what I thought I wanted to look like.  Since then, I’ve learned that ribs and weight placement are the keys to looking like you’re moving your hips.  I’m excited to see what the hell my videos will look like tomorrow!

Considerations going into second team match

• I thought about doing another mambo because I fumbled so badly.  But it was really just a substitute for on 2 salsa.  And I’m not that interested in on 2 salsa anymore.  I don’t want to waste a precious heat on any dance that I don’t enjoy.  I’m quite proud of myself that I let mambo go.  I think old versions of me would latch on and try to prove myself.  But not this version!
• I did 10 heats last time.  This time I’m doing 15!  I want to try my mainstays salsa and bachata with both instructors.
• I am not going to waste time watching videos during the competition.  Those heats will be in the past.  I know what I need to do.  I just need to execute it.
• I’m debating wearing the same outfit as last time to get as fair a comparison as possible, or a different fun outfit.  Will see what I decide in the morning!

Goals for second team match

• Be a cooler cucumber
• Remember and apply everything I’ve been working on since December 2024
• HAVE FUN
• Enjoy the music.  I wonder what they will play for all the different styles!  And what tango songs they will give us.

What to work on after second team match

• I already know that my arm styling isn’t where I want it to be.  But I fixed my hips since last time.  Arms can be for next time.

I want to explore these things, just a question of when and how to fit it all in!

• I can see how dance can be an all consuming “hobby.”  I want to lift so I am stronger and more stable.  I want to lose a bit of weight and recomp my body so I feel more confident in different outfits.  I want to do foot care so I don’t change the shape of my feet after all these hours wearing heels.  I want to maintain my body so I can dance with my grandkids and still squat low for E-40’s “Tell Me When to Go” at their weddings.
• Ballet.  Never in a gazillion years did I think I would be interested in ballet.  They’re incredible athletes.  I can see how it’s one of the foundational dances.  I want more stability in my own legs so I’m not relying on my leads.
• Jazz.  Fosse just looks SO FRIGGIN COOL.  I want more fluidity.  My poor awkward arms need major HELP hahaha.
• More heels.  What in the world is happening to me!  I think dancing in these wittle heels has been good.  I’m curious what dancing in a thin (not chunky) heel feels like.  And then tango shoes with the toe and ankle straps that are different from salsa heels.  When will I get a thin heel, and when I will go up in height!
• Lindy and jive.  The music just looks fun.  And I think it’d be a nice change of pace from casual salsa/bachata and super serious tango.  Something upbeat and timeless.
• I’ve seen some videos of samba and OH MY GOD.  THAT DANCE.  I want to learn it.  And I know enough now to know, holy shit, that is going to be HAAAAARD.  Maybe the hardest dance?!  There are so many moving parts.  Seems like salsa+rumba on crack cocaine.

Things I’m learning to accept about dancing in general

• I don’t have to kill myself for dancing.  There is ALWAYS more.  More classes, more socials, more guest teachers, more lessons.  Other than the week between Christmas and New Years haha, there is literally ALWAYS dance.  There is absolutely no shortage.  There’s actually too MUCH dance!  Sometimes it’s hard to choose what to go to when the times overlap.
• I’m enjoying my journey and I got whiplash when I got sick of dance and thought hated it.  I felt heartbroken, actually.  I saw my progress with salsa and wanted to mimic and expedite it with tango.  I figured, well, I just need more reps!  So I tried for too many reps way too quickly.  I went to as many workshops, classes, and practicas as I could squeeze in.  I dove in head first and ended up burning myself out.  Very grateful to my instructor for helping me figure out what I still liked about dance, and what I wasn’t enjoying anymore.  I took a break and am now learning how to pace myself and enjoy the ride.  I mean, as much as I want to fast forward and be a master at all the styles… what, do I just want to sprint to my death bed?! No!  I want to enjoy this journey, as corny as that is.
  • I don’t like stuffy, traditional, tense environments.
  • I looooove PROGRESS.  Improving and growing for the sake of seeing yourself change and evolve over time.
• There’s no way I’m going to remember everything.  I don’t care how many video journals I record or Evernotes I write to myself.  I won’t be able to retain all of this information.  I’ve noticed that I walk away from each lesson with at least ONE BIG idea.  Given my excited nature, of course I get stoked about multiple ideas.  But what I remember days and weeks later is generally one idea per session.
• I’d like to go into each lesson, practica, social with a goal in mind, or something specific to focus on.  There are always a gazillion things to work on, and I can’t do ALL of them.  I need to accept that I will improve SLOWLY and OVER TIME.
• I’ve also accepted that things will click when they click, and not a moment sooner.  I looked back at my Evernotes, and I was SHOCKED when I saw that the VERY FIRST LESSON I EVER TOOK, my instructor mentioned ribs!  I could’ve beaten myself up that I could’ve been working on them THIS ENTIRE TIME.  But reality is, no, I couldn’t have.  I did not have the capacity or ability to even consider that.  The old adage is so true.  When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Growing into a more responsible adult

• Dancing every day at home helps.  I let myself goof off and move however my body wants to move for 3 songs.  And then for 3 songs I work on my skills/technique/mechanics.  Sometimes I want to do more than 6 songs, but I’m proud that I’ve reined myself in.  I know that burn out can happen.  I want to avoid that.  I do just enough to keep dance afloat, and not too much that I make myself drown.
• As much as I love dance, it ISN’T an entire life.  It’s a really beautiful PART of a whole life.  And I’m happy to dance with (haha) the ever changing amount of space and time I allow it to take up in my life.
• I don’t know that I care to learn Smooth.  I was at a social at my main studio and I felt very incompetent and like a fish out of water that I didn’t even know the basic step for a waltz or an American tango.  I don’t care to develop these dances the way I do with my current styles.  I do want to at least learn the basics so that I can fumble my way through them at a wedding or something.
• I appreciate when experienced leads “donate” a dance to beginner-ol’-me at socials.  I’ve started to “donate” a couple dances to newbies at socials now too.  Feels pretty cool to encourage others along their journey.

Nerdy things just to track where my current understanding is.  You can skip this section if you want.

• I think right now I’m just beginning to realize how critical weight transfers are.  I want to focus on letting my hips and legs fully do their thang to honor a complete weight transfer.  Future Niki, I’m talking about when you used to forget to put your right heel all the way down for back rocks in salsa.  Or when you would focus so much on the heel that you didn’t let the rest of your leg USE all that space!
• Just last night, it FINALLY CLICKED what “maintain your frame” means.  So many people have told me that so many times.  But something about that particular dance with that particular instructor and that particular song.  It just CLICKED!  Don’t let my elbow straighten, and don’t let my elbow go behind my body.  But now I’m questioning how to integrate this.  How do I give equal/opposite pressure, WHILE maintaining a frame?  The spiral continues.
• Walk forward.  Literally just keep walking forward in rumba.  Yes, even when you’re turning.  Fully rotate your hip so that your leg can go through and walk on ONE plank.  Your balance is actually solid!  Your lines/paths are NOT haha.  I bet if I fix this, I’ll fix a lot of things.

Some things that make me laugh

• I say this FULL WELL KNOWING I AM A BEGINNER – I know just enough now to be able to see when people are moving well or not.  I also know that I can’t move the way I want to move, yet.  I took a hip hop/reggaeton/R&B class.  Love that music, thought dancers looked cool, tried the class… and holy smokes, choreography is challenging!  It’s interesting to watch wedding dances and admire their love and happiness… and also see where they are in their dance journey.  I know choreography takes me forever to learn, so I thought I would watch some music videos and try to learn them on my own time instead of fumbling through a class.  It was so interesting to watch singers from my childhood… feel the flood of memories… and then be utterly shocked that THEY CAN’T DANCE!!!  I won’t name names.  But my jaw was on the ground!  Granted, they sing decently and they have stage presence.  But DANCE?!  No!!!  If you’re a dancer and want to know who I’m talking about, shoot me a message lol.  I was so shocked that I’m now afraid to watch any more music videos, I don’t want to ruin any more artists!
• I love dance.  I respect dance.  And I cracked myself up when I thought of what each one is at its core.  These are JUST jokes, okay!
  • Salsa is an enthusiastic jackhammer.
  • Bachata is Kenny G.
  • *Sensual* bachata is “Instagram” personified.
  • Mambo is… a special snowflake.
  • Rumba is like missionary.  No one will admit it’s their favorite position, but c’mon.  Those who know, know 😉
  • Cha cha can’t decide what direction to go.
  • Argentine tango is honestly just an intense game of footsies.
• UGH OKAY I was wanting to write too many disclaimers.  Let me just write big picture what I love about each style too, because I really do love ’em!
  • Salsa is a lively and joyous celebration.
  • Bachata feels like that face you make when you take off your bra/shoes at the end of the day.  It’s home base.
  • I DO NOT LOVE SENSUAL BACHATA.
  • … or mambo 🙃
  • Rumba is the hardest of these.  I utterly love that it can look so simple and that there are universes to explore and fine tune here!!!
  • Cha cha is more enjoyable than I imagined it’d be.  I thought ballroom cha cha was less fun than Pinoy parties cha cha lol.  I was going to cancel these at the second team match, but I’m excited to try a couple new moves.  One of which is my grandma’s name!
  • Argentine tango is the most fun challenge ever.  There is so much technical precision, subtle communication, and has such infinite possibilities.  I love how much it completely forces me to wait for the signal + be ready for anything + actively engage.  Such a yummy mix.

Overall, I feel quite pleased with my journey.  I’m able to laugh at the levity and engage with the gravity.  I feel like I’m growing up ever so slowly.  Very happy to be doing this!  And very excited for tomorrow.