first dance team match (friendly “competition”) – a reflection

(8/28/25 – I’m tidying my electronic/online household and deleting the original videos from this blog. You can find snippets from this Team Match at this Instagram post.)

I did my first Team Match (like a friendly “competition”) a few days ago and wanted to capture my experience while it’s still fresh. This Instagram post has a 4-6 second clip of each dance to serve as an amuse bouche. Below I paint a picture of how the event went, and full length videos of each dance. Feel free to read the whole thing, or scroll down to the bottom if you want to skip to the takeaways I had.

(I learned a *critical* thing about ribs and lats 3 days after team match. I will leave these videos up but I now cringe at them! Love how much things can change and how I can’t unsee certain things anymore. At the time, this was the best I knew to do. Now I know better and am having a blast doing better!)

First let’s define some terms, then I’ll dive into the experience itself.

Social dancing – an event where friends and strangers can dance with each other. I’ve always liked dancing, but I don’t like drinking. Jumping around at a bar or club wasn’t quite what I was looking for, so I was really grateful to have found the “social dance” scene where the focus of the event is dancing itself. There is an optional beginner lesson to kick off the evening. Newbies can learn the basic steps, and more experienced people might learn a new pattern to try at the dance portion later. After the lesson, the dance floor is open for 3-5 hours. Anyone can ask anyone to dance. It can get crowded and chaotic but it’s a lot of fun.
Group classes – usually 1 hour, sometimes 2 hours. 1-2 instructors lead students through a warm up, footwork, and partnerwork.
Private lessons – up to an hour. 1 instructor guides a student through whatever the student is interested in. Perhaps the student wants to try different styles of dance, fine tune a certain movement, or improve connection.

Now that we have a basic understanding of different dance contexts, let’s dive into this Team Match.

I honestly wasn’t going to sign up for this event. I started dancing socially almost 1 year ago. I was having fun and learning a decent amount from the beginner classes and from the leads. Eventually I plateaued and wanted more, so I started taking private lessons. There was, and still is!, much to learn. Looking back at this journey makes me chuckle at, what my brother has named, my 0-to-100 tendencies. The private lessons kind of ruined social dancing! My instructors have very solid frames, and I started craving that sensation instead of the wide range of leads’ frames at socials.

As the private lessons progressed, I noticed that I wanted to test out the things I was learning. I continued going to socials and was delighted at my improvement. The leads were telling me that I was getting better and better. I was more relaxed and able to *actually* follow. I would secretly smile as better and better leads would ask me to dance. Prior to private lessons, I just wanted to look cool and flowy like the other follows. I had no clue how they were able to be so light on their feet, maintain balance, and turn without losing track of where they were. I knew enough to kind of guess what the leads were wanting me to do. So I did a thing called “back leading,” where I would just predict and then execute what I *thought* these gentlemen wanted me to do. That doesn’t make for a very good dance partner! The private lessons helped me slooow down enough to actually FEEL what the leads wanted me to do. My instructors helped me become a true *FOLLOW*.

The Team Match itself wasn’t what I expected it to be. I mean, does anything in life ever perfectly align with our expectations? I arrived after it had already started. I don’t know why I find this adorable, but I really thought that I would get to dance a full song for each of my dances. Of course now I can see that that would take forever. I’m told that the team match format is pretty close to how real competitions take place. The day is organized into Smooth and then Rhythm dances. There are heats, kind of like rounds. Each heat at this event was about 1 minute of music. The heats just happen back to back to back to get through everyone in a decent amount of time. You have to pay attention to when your heat is so that you know when to go on the dance floor. Depending on what you’re competing in, you might have heats back to back, or you might have a little break in between each of your heats. I got my first heat list!

I caught the last portion of the Smooth heats. I was amazed at how the event was run. It felt unfamiliar and frankly a bit chaotic, but eventually I settled into the format. There was a lunch break. Took some group pictures. Did a very short warm up and ran through one of the tougher moves with my instructor. I felt proud and excited that I nailed it on the first try!, because during our lessons it usually took me a while to get into the groove with it. I felt pretty confident that I could do it during the competition itself.

The heat before my first heat, I felt my heart rate increasing. I did my breathing and tried to tell myself to relax and that this is just for fun, but I wanted to do well! Before I knew it, it was my time. My instructor came to get me and we were on the dance floor! The first heat was salsa.

For context, there are TWO kinds of salsa. One kind you break, or change direction, on the “1.” The other kind, you break on the “2,” which is why it’s called “on 2.” At this point, I had been dancing salsa for almost a year socially. Most of the time I danced on 1, but some leads tried to teach me on 2 and I just could not understand it. I was in Peru and took a salsa class not knowing that on 2 existed or that the class, taught in Spanish!, would be on 2. Story for another time! I was taking private lessons for ~1.5 months and started taking on 2 group lessons for ~3 weeks. On 2 just feels better musically, but on 1 is what my body was more accustomed to. We decided for the competition to do on 1, because in the ballroom world, “salsa” is thought of as on 1.

(deleted video 1)

I laugh every time with my instructor before starting salsa because I always have to think of if this will be on 1 or on 2. On 2 can have a bit of “drinking the kool aid” factor to it and my ego has been wanting to nail it. But I had to get myself into the mindset of my homebase of on 1. The music for my first heat started, and we began dancing. Things were going smoothly! I was having fun and I knew to really savor the moment because we wouldn’t get a whole song. It’s so fun and different to dance with a professional, versus with civilians at socials. We got to the hard move that we practiced during lunch… and I fucked up! I felt embarrassed for myself, and like I was somehow letting down my instructor and my studio. But there was no time to waste wallowing. I had to get back on the correct timing. The rest of the dance went well, and before I knew it, my first heat was over.

My next dance wasn’t for another few heats, so I got to sit down and catch my breath. My heart was still racing. But I did it! I got out there and was officially IN my first team match!

My second heat went well. Bachata has always come easier to me. The music feels slower. I only know one kind of bachata (versus on 1 and on 2 for salsa), so I can’t really get myself psyched out. There are actually a few kinds of bachata – whatever style I do, traditional, and sensual. I don’t know those other ones, so I can’t really fumble the ball there. I just get to rely on my basic and my muscle memory, and have fun with whatever the lead wants to lead me through. I was ecstatic that this dance was to my favorite bachata song!

(deleted video 2)

My third heat was fun. I’m Filipina and have known how to cha cha from family for years. It cracks me up and frustrates the hell out of me that ballroom cha cha timing IS DIFFERENT. Why in the world wouldn’t they just match up! Nonetheless, my instructor helped me change my ways. Now I will be the oddball at family parties and I am okay with that! Or maybe I’ll easily be able to switch back and forth, who knows.

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My fourth heat was mambo. We decided to do 1 heat of this style because I was playing with on 2 salsa. Both mambo and on 2 salsa break on the “2” and the “6.” But on 2 takes a step in place on the “1,” while mambo starts with a pause on the first “1” and then you start dancing on the “2.” Mambo the follow steps back with the right foot on “2.” Salsa on 2 the follow steps forward with the left foot on “2.” They’re similar and not. I really wanted to nail this heat to show that my on 2 efforts were not in vain. It started strong, and then I messed up and had to refind the timing a couple times. The song threw me off a bit. I knew it and was surprised that it was more distracting than helpful.

Okay, I had to see this laid out. My nickname in my pharmacy fraternity was “Excel” for a reason 😅🤓. No wonder it’s confusing. Different enough, but similar enough! (Took me a week for the last column to come to me. Thaaat’s what threw me off. The pauses are on a different count!!! 🥵)

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My fifth heat was another (on 1 lol) salsa. Last salsa of the event for me. I was feeling more relaxed and more familiar with being on the dance floor. I still messed up, but thankfully redeemed myself and did the hard titanic move before the minute was over.

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My sixth heat was another bachata. Just plain ol’ fun! I want to relax even more to be able to respond and do body rolls with the slightest touch/direction/cue from my lead.

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My seventh heat was cha cha. Still makes me laugh that it’s so different from filipino chacha. But I’m getting it.

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My eighth heat was rumba. I thought this style would be “boring” compared to the sensual sway of bachata, the cool turns of salsa, and the fun music of chacha. Honestly though, rumba might be my favorite style of dance! Sure it is “simple” but I feel so alive, so feminine, so womanly dancing rumba. My instructor helped me see that anyone can dance quickly and chaotically. It takes skill to dance slowly and gracefully.

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My ninth heat was a cha cha. The music suddenly sped up and it was pretty funny to have to change our rhythm.

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My tenth and final heat was rumba. I felt sad that my first team match was so quickly drawing to a close. You know when you’re grieving something while you’re still in it? That’s what this felt like. Bittersweet. Overall, it was a good song. Good dance. Good end to this experience!

(deleted video 10)

I stayed and watched the rest of the heats. It was amazing to be in a room of supportive and passionate people cheering each other on. I really loved watching the kids dance. They’re so fast, so snappy, so sharp! One girl’s facial expressions were very dramatic and she was such a ham with the audience. There was a boy with very smooth moves. I thought he changed shirts when he changed dance partners. Turns out, they’re freaking twins! How cool, that must be such a fun family.

I knew this event was just a friendly competition. Prior to it, when debating on 1 versus on 2 versus mambo, I asked my instructor if there were points or if there was a studio that would be declared the winner. Because if so, I wanted to choose dance styles that would help contribute to our score. I was surprised when the host studio rolled out a table of trophies. I was talking with people at my studio when they told me that the host called my name. I guess I won Best Female Newcomer! I felt so tickled and honored. The competitive side of me wants to know how many newcomers there were lol, but regardless, I am grateful for the nod. Feels pretty cool to look at the trophy and remember the courage I had to get out there, all of that time learning, and the fun I had experiencing something completely novel.

And just like that, my first team match was over! In the days since, I’ve been in deep reflection and want to share some insights.

Things I Learned About Myself

I don’t know who I am until I am in the arena. I thought I would be cool as a cucumber. Adrenaline is real! I was more nervous than I thought I’d be.
I can rely on muscle memory. I have almost a year of on 1 salsa and bachata under my belt. I could do those basics in my sleep. I am very grateful for the countless reps I have for these styles. It reminds me that practice really does make, not perfect!, but better and reliable – and that if there is something I want in life, I just need to do it enough times for it to become ingrained in me. That is fully in my own control.
I am capable of learning. I’m not static or stagnant. My brain is plastic and my body is mobile. I can learn whatever I want! Just a matter of getting out there and taking action on it.

Things I Learned About Life

Context matters. I knew I could dance at socials, in group classes, and at private lessons. I thought things wouldn’t be that different in a competition setting. But the loud music, audience, and quick heat turn over did affect me.
Perception doesn’t always match reality. How things feel/look doesn’t always match how things look/feel. I really thought I was intentionally swaying my hips. Upon reviewing the tape, I wasn’t swaying them anywhere nearly as much as I thought I was!
All we have is the present moment. Kind of like weightlifting, you train for months or years and it all boils down to that maybe 10 seconds on the platform. With dancing, at this one anyway, it all boils down to 1 minute. I’m told professional competitions are maybe 1 minute 45 seconds per heat. That’s it! Mess ups happen. I can’t stay where the mistake was. I need to keep moving forward. Sure, in the post game analysis, look at what needs improvement and work on that. But in the middle of a heat, just need to shake it off and keep flowing with the song.
There is time. Queens don’t rush themselves! I am grateful to my friends in the audience for filming for me. For one of my dances, I handed someone my phone and the camera wasn’t ready. I was rushing because I didn’t want my instructor to wait, and I didn’t want the other dancers in the heat to wait for me. Unfortunately the beginning of that dance wasn’t caught on film. It isn’t a huge deal. But the big picture lesson I drew from this was – if I want something, I need to take the time to set up for success. If I wanted the entire dance on film, I could have improved the odds of that happening by handing a prepared phone to the person. It would have taken max 2 seconds more. No one else would have noticed those extra 2 seconds. And I would have gotten what I wanted. A valuable lesson, and I’m actually glad this “mistake” happened, because I wouldn’t have learned it any other way.
Going slow allows me to “go fast.” It’s such a paradox to my high achieving brain. But I’ve seen it time and time again in these different dance contexts. The more I slow down, the more I can feel/hear the lead, and the more quickly and accurately I can execute the move. Sitting back is what allows me to dance/stand/live well.
You will sometimes mess up. Doesn’t matter how much you prepare. Things will happen. I totally forgot that during my first weightlifting meet, I blacked out during my first lift and don’t even remember what happened! Reading my old blog was a blessing and helped me have more grace with myself for the screw ups I had during this first dance event.

Things I Would Do Differently Next Time

Move before the first step. Sometimes we would sway a bit before taking the first step. Sometimes we would just nod our heads and then step on the obvious first beat. I want to develop a habit of always moving and syncing up before the first step.
Review the tape during the competition. I was trying to focus on being in the moment and supporting other dancers during their heats. I also didn’t want to watch my own film and somehow get caught up in my own head. I would want to try quickly reviewing my videos after each heat so that I can make subtle adjustments for next time. Maybe if I had reviewed the film during the event, I could have put even more intention on swaying my hips more.
Sign up for more heats! Just to get more dance time in.

Things I Respect Even More Now

Dancers are athletes. I’ve always admired their stamina, balance, strength, and grace. Now that I’ve done this, I respect those attributes even more. They’re doing all of this in full hair and makeup and fancy dresses. Not to mention the heels!
MEN. MEN. MEN. I FREAKING LOVE MEN. I love men even more now. This competition wasn’t that big, but there were still times when there were a handful of couples on the floor. I can only imagine real competitions where there are multiple professionals on the floor at the same time. It’s amazing to me how much sheer responsibility the lead has! Sure the follow has to look pretty and do a bunch of turns and style their arms. But the leads, my goodness. At socials, the leads have to somehow keep an eye out for our surroundings and keep me safe. (I have a responsibility to keep the lane of dance and control my turns. Grateful for the private lessons helping me vastly improve this.) At group classes, the leads have to remember the partner pattern/sequence. (I have a responsibility to be fluid and responsive. But I don’t have to remember anything, I just have to follow whatever he’s leading me through.) At private lessons, the lead has to teach me and help me fix my mistakes. (I just have to and get to be an excited and teachable student.) On top of all of this, the lead is LEADING! He is deciding what patterns and turns and sways we will do. He has to think a few steps ahead to set up one move into another move. Meaning, he can’t just tell me to turn. He has to give me the signal and give me enough time to do the turn. So he has to think of the move he wants + how to communicate it + WHEN to communicate it. He’s got a lot on his shoulders! It makes me want to be THAT much better of a follow. I want to be light, soft, relaxed. And their timing!!! I have never seen my instructors be off time. I can always count on them when I lose myself. It feels very reassuring to know that I can rely on my lead. I want to be experienced enough to have a general idea of what moves are possible. I can’t know everything, and when he throws an unfamiliar move at me, I want to be responsive enough to execute my best guess at it. I don’t want him to have to yank my arm or pull me really hard to get me where he wants me to go. I want to relieve some of the heavy burden that he’s carrying!
- I once took a Role Switching class where the leads danced as follows and vice versa. It was very eye opening. Leads in the past have told me to breathe and relax, and I was always shocked that they could tell when I was in my head. Well, now that I’ve tried being a lead, it’s pretty damn obvious when the follow’s shoulders are tense and rigid. At the end of that class, the instructor said that this time around we practiced surrendering the lead to each other. And if they run the workshop again, they will teach us how to steal the lead from each other. I laughed out loud and said “no thank you, I don’t want it!” I am very happy to be a follow.
Smiling. Seems so simple. But I tried doing fake smiles, and it was so awkward! Thankfully I really enjoy my instructors and I was just naturally laughing and smiling. I have more respect for competitors and performers now. It isn’t just the athletic moves themselves they’re executing. There are so many moving pieces, it’s amazing to watch it all come together.

Nerdy Questions I Have

How do they choose the music? Seems like there was a machine/screen with a bunch of buttons. A lot of this was holiday music, which was fun! I wonder what songs fit what styles.
Do you have to start dancing by a certain time within the heat? Weightlifting you have to start by a certain time.
How do multiple judges watch multiple couples? Especially if the heat is max 2 minutes long! How does scoring work? Is there time after each heat to write down their thoughts, or are they rushing off to the next heat like how doctors don’t always have time to chart on the current patient? If there isn’t time to chart immediately, how in the world do they remember each couple and score them later?

Moving Forward – Things I Want to Explore

Music. I’ve always loved music. Now that I know how dance feels to music, I want to write music with dancing in mind.
Smooth. I’m not sure if I’d like those styles! Holding your neck in that like, crooked leaned over position, looks so awkward and uncomfortable. But maybe I’ll try it. I might end up loving it.
Heels. I can see the value of being ready to pounce in any direction. I love my Earth Runner sandals and the concept of honoring our natural foot shape with barefoot footwear. But dance floors are smooth, there’s no “terrain” I need to feel through thin soles. And dancing for hours at a time does take its toll. I’d like to explore shoes with a bit more padding for longer sessions. And I am going to try to find some heels that don’t squish my toes and make me feel like I’m wearing painful rock climbing shoes. I never got to watch a professional female dancer that closely before. I noticed she very rarely stepped onto her heel. I’ve been avoiding heels because I thought I’d have to land on and balance on them. But looks like I’d mostly be dancing on my forefoot, which I need to do anyway even wearing Earth Runners. It might be time to try this out!
Coordination. I think of myself as coordinated… until I am in a styling class. I can do the footwork. And then I can do the arms. But combining the two, it’s like my brain forgets what I just learned. I’m told this is par for the course. But I want to nail it, and nail it now! Learning that things take time, and as I wrote above… I have time.
Grace, elegance, tone. I’m nowhere near an expert, but I know enough now to be able to discern a difference at socials. I can tell which leads have a… lazy (?) or sloppy or unrefined frame. I utterly love that ballroom dancers feel so solid. I want to develop whatever that is. Moving quickly but also not rushing. Taking my time but still getting the move executed. Using all of my big and small muscles. Moving with my entire body. Improving my posture. Elongating my line. A bunch of other things that I am too new to even know the names for.
PRESENCE. PRESENCE. PRESENCE. I really think this is The Lesson My Soul came here to learn. I noticed that I vacillated between excited anticipation for my next heat, to relief that it was over, immediately to regret that I wasn’t more present for it while it was happening. Like rushing to get to the airport only to stand there and wait. I want to work on being TRULY present – not just in dance, but in life as a whole.

Thank You

To myself. I can be a bit of a perfectionist and I really enjoy growth/learning. That can make for a bit of a toxic combination if I’m being really honest. I can be harsh with myself and I can focus on the things that need work. I want to take this time to celebrate and acknowledge – in every arena of life, I’m constantly amazed at how perfectly things unfold. When I first started private lessons, it was easy for me to think, “Man, I wish I started this sooner! I wouldn’t have developed these bad habits that I now have to fix!” In hindsight, everything happened the way it did for a reason, and it all served me. Going to social dances gave me enough of a foundation to be on autopilot with the basic steps. If I didn’t know that, then I would’ve needed to spend precious private lesson time just learning the footwork. But because I knew the basic pattern, I got to focus on other variables during the privates. And then those improvements served me at socials. It’s such a delicious feedback loop!
To all the leads I’ve dance with at socials. You are patient and generous, especially when I didn’t know what I was doing initially. And now when I fumble on 2.
To my dance instructors!!! You are masters of your sport, willing to teach, and very supportive. Thank you for answering my many questions and encouraging me to do this event!

I started this journey because I wanted to dance. I continued this journey because I wanted to improve as a follow at socials. Now, will see what unfolds from here!