subtle observation

one of my favorite things to do is OBSERVE

myself, others, the land, the internal, the external. some of my favorite yosemite pictures aren’t even of monumental landscapes. i was just driving and when i gasped at a field of trees or the subtle way the snow rested on the branches, i’d pull over and capture that quiet beauty

when i was younger, i’d latch onto an idea and react to it. i felt i needed to take immediate action to do my part to rectify a situation. something has been shifting lately – i just sit back and observe. it isn’t passive or lazy. it feels very present and active. like i am intentionally NOT reacting, but rather, stepping back and watching what is in front of/within me. and then from that quiet and peaceful space, i decide what (if anything) i want to DO with this new information

i saw my immediate family and some friends recently, and when they’d bring me a glass of water or set out a plate for me, i thought, “huh, that’s nice.” it seemed like the smallest thing, and i was surprised it even registered on my radar. but i realized i have basically been taking care of myself since i moved out for college! i may not cook every meal, and we don’t have to hunt our food like cavemen anymore, but essentially – i DO have to “go hunting” for every meal. i have to go get it or figure out a way to feed myself. no one else does it for me. a meme made me laugh, it said something like, ~ “adulting is basically realizing that you have to provide dinner for yourself for the rest of your life”

i don’t mind taking care of myself. i’m good at it. i’m aware that it is an honor/privilege to have the time/money/ability to do so. i am grateful for it!

here’s my observation – i don’t NEED someone to take care of me. i don’t even WANT someone to take care of me. the most subtle thing that my inner voice whispered is – i want someone who WANTS to take care of me. and i want someone that i WANT to take care of

i don’t even feel like i have to DO anything with this information. i’m just sitting back and taking it in, like watching a cloud go by or savoring the waves crashing on a shore

being a human, and observing that existence, is so fascinating to me! 🤩


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