i finally figured it out

anybody else feel the fluctuations between super inspired and super lethargic during this pandemic? even moreso than the usual peaks and valleys of life?

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i definitely feel them. i have a million ideas and am running with them one day, and then completely lose interest the next. i get frustrated with myself for not sticking to something. but i think i finally diagnosed the actual problem and not just the obvious symptoms: i wasn’t pursuing what i actually WANTED

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i always thought i wanted to write non-fiction. but i’ve realized – while lists and how-to’s are practical and have proven useful to me, they don’t light me up. i thought i wanted to become an instagram influencer, or someone whose quotes/art get reshared millions of times. while there is value in that, i’ve noticed in my month off from consuming the ‘gram… most of those pieces don’t actually STAY with me. the things that really STICK and IMPACT me are STORIES!!! been rereading “siddhartha” and reflecting on @chadwickboseman’s life. sure, i could probably find a list somewhere of the steps he took to build his life. but in the heat of the moment, during the hardest part of a hike, during the most stressful part of a night shift – a pretty list isn’t what inspires me! what inspires me is a STORY. a PRESENCE. an inarticulable GRAVITAS. an EXAMPLE of actively LIVING

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i was in a beautiful space today and got the idea for a book! two books, actually. this feels incredible and authentically aligned with who i am and who i am becoming 🌿

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STORIES with lessons embedded within them – THAT is what lights me up 🔥 so, i am going to write a story. two. maybe more, i don’t know. i have no idea how this process works or how this will all go down… but i trust that i am more than capable of birthing this creation. AND pretty damn stoked that the titles in my head don’t exist yet! 🧡