a series of letters from a single gal about to turn 30

Needed a picture for this post and thought I’d share some from the two times I was a bridesmaid.  Both times I was single.  Once for my best friend from pharmacy school, and once for one of my best friends from high school. The holidays are over and somehow Valentine’s Day items and swimsuits are already out on the shelves at Target.  I’ve been wanting to write a post about being single and thought this would be a fun way to change things up.  I know this stuff can feel pretty vulnerable and it’s okay if I don’t receive any likes or comments… but if these humorous/honest letters give even ONE person a moment of comfort, then it will have been worth it.

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To All The Boys (slash Men) I Have Loved (slash Liked slash Dated slash “Talked To”):

Some of you were youthful boys, some of you were full-grown men, and most of you were somewhere in between.  Which is fine, because I believe we aren’t done growing until the day we die.  I know that I am very far from being fully grown.  I do my best to carry myself with integrity in every interaction.  However, I am not perfect and I make mistakes.  I learn as I go and carry the lessons I’ve learned with me into each subsequent interaction… learn better, then do better.  I apologize for any way in which I may have hurt you; I promise, it was never my intention.  I also thank you for the laughs, the fun memories, and most importantly, the lessons.  I am always collecting data and gaining life experience.  Whether it was one date, one month, or one chunk of time “texting,” I learned something from each of you about you, about men, about the world, and about myself.  Those lessons are priceless and I am grateful for whatever role you have played in my life.

That one girl from that one time,

Niki

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To My Single Friends:

I know you love your fierce independence.  I love seeing your adventures and witnessing your growth.  I also know that you can sometimes get painfully lonely, and you don’t always feel like you can share that with friends or on social media.  I see you, I hear you, and you are not alone.  There are some days when I am having literally the same conversation with 3-4 other single women; your thoughts are relatable and universal.  I know that you are grateful for your loves and your losses.  I know that you are growing yourself and “living your best life.”  I know that you are “doing you,” and I completely commend and support you in all your pursuits.  I know it’s tempting sometimes to just latch on to someone “good enough” to have that warm body and reliable weekend brunch company.  It takes a special kind of bravery to choose to be with yourself rather than settle for someone less than you fully deserve.  I know it may sometimes feel like you’re sooo in love with and in awe of yourself, and you just want someone to see and witness you, already!  I may not know you personally or be able to physically see you, but I feel you in my heart and I am witnessing your grace and strength.  Keep doing you, boo.  Thank you for holding me when I am feeling low, and celebrating me in my highest highs.  Thank you for trusting me with your feelings and sharing yourself whenever you feel called to do so.  Thank you for commiserating with me about modern day dating – sharing ridiculous stories, laughing until we cry, and crying until we laugh.  Thank you for encouraging me to keep pursuing my dreams.  I love you, and you are MORE than enough.

(This letter is mostly to my single sisters… because I don’t have very many male friends LOL.  But I’d imagine that men experience something similar.  I feel for you as well, and I see you, brothers!)

Your sister-in-arms,

Niki

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To My Coupled Friends:

I adore you, and I’m so grateful that you have a partner who fully loves you the way that you deserve to be loved.  I know from experience that relationships aren’t always rainbows and butterflies.  It takes hard work, effort, and courage to make a relationship work.  I know that sometimes you have a hard time balancing your role as a beautiful individual human, as a partner, and (for those of you who are parents) as a parent.  I don’t think there’s ever a perfectly sustainable balance, but I bow down to your commitment to giving your best to yourself and to those who depend on you.  I know life gets busy and priorities shift as we age.  It’s okay that we don’t text as much/as quickly, or hang out as much as we did before.  I know that if I ever really needed you, that you would show up for me, and I know that you know that I would show up for you.  Thank you for being a living, breathing example of what a loving relationship can look like.  Thank you for helping me hold the faith when mine gets a little wobbly.  Thank you for sharing your ever evolving life with me; I love seeing you grow as a person/partner/parent, and I freaking ADORE your children.  Thank you for supporting me in my adventures and mis-adventures; you remind me that I won’t always have this level of freedom and to cherish it while this chapter is here.  You give me perspective and help me understand the world through a different lens.  I love you.

Your forever friend,

Niki

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To My Future Husband:

Hey, babe.  🙂  I can’t wait to meet you.  I know you’ll be worth this wait.  I think it’ll be hilarious to trade war stories from our dating lives.  I know that you’re going to just floor me with how thoughtful, creative, smart, silly, adventurous, strong, and loving you are.  I’ve felt your heart a few times, and it was electric.  We’re going to look and feel just… so… RIGHT… together.  I want you to know I’m getting to you as quickly as I can, and I trust that you’re working hard too.  It thrills me that you exist and are roaming somewhere on this beautiful planet.  We are already connected through this gorgeous Earth.  Can’t wait to see you with my own eyes, and I love you already.

Yours,

Niki

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To Myself:

Hey, buddy.  One hell of a life so far, huh?  You have overcome so much and continue to push onward.  You finally love yourself the way you’ve always wanted to, and I’m so proud of you for it.  I know that you’re grateful for aaaall the things you have… and that you hunger for so much more.  I give you full permission to feel both simultaneously.  You are a fierce light and a force with which to be reckoned.  Ya done good with your 20s, kid, and you’re going to live so beautifully in your 30s.  I cannot wait to see the person that you are becoming.  I am always here with you, don’t you forget it.  I love you.

Yourself,

Niki